Partner isn't very good at making jokes

Since giving birth, a terrible terrible thing obviously, my wife can't go anywhere without carrying drinking water with her. And now, apparently, it must be in a flip-top sports container, even though she's not particularly sporty. Even the simple journey between our front door and the car is riven with worry. I think she feels she might dehydrate in the twenty feet betwixt door and vehicle. She genuinely panics! There is now a 'munchausen by proxy' effect of myself taking on the worry of her shrivelling up. What do I do?

My OH, like most humans, enjoys eating. Unfortunately, every food he puts in his mouth makes the most horrific noise. It's not even typically noisy foods - eg crisps, cornflakes - that make a noise. It's seemingly innocuous food stuffs like, say, mashed potato. For some reason his mouth is like some kind of echo chamber. I've suggested he just stop eating but he said it's painful enough being in this marriage. Should I wear ear plugs at meal times or just kill myself? HILWAF!

I'm not just talking sibling's pants, or cousin's pants, but pants from people you aren't related to in any way. Neighbour's pants? AIAF *AIAF Am I a freak? ITAAG** **ITAAG= Is this acronym any good